I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i want to swaddle you in tequila
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
