Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
