theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
