Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
