We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
