I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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