so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
