One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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