Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize