If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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