What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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