Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
