I just made out with a guy for $7.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
