I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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