I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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