Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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