Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
