I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
