When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
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No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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