I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
