it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
