We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
