I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
