last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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