dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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