My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
