Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
