Pants 0. Shit 1.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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