Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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