I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
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Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
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"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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