We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
