my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
