So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I forget how to act sober
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
