now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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