cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In other news, I just burned my penis
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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