I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
