I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
