if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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