THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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