Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
