Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
