So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
