just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
