pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
