Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
