Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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