Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it hurts more in the daytime
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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