so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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