you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
