Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
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He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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