Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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