Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
