When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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