We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
