You're completely useless in the revolution.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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