Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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