you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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