the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
