He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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