I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
