3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I would fuck him just for his dog
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
