we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
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Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize