I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
