the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
