I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
