Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
