So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You were trust falling into bushes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
