and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
