My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Randomize
