Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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