Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
