You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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