I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
